I love my friends from rehab!

Yes, I’ve been to rehab.

And no, it wasn’t for drugs or alcohol.
…or anything like that. I can proudly say that I’ve never even lit a cigarette in my life (and though I’ve had my fair share of alcohol intake, I wouldn’t call it abusive. Lol).

It was for depression.

I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) earlier this year, and it’s been quite a ride since then.
I stayed four months in a facility where people from all walks of life and with different situations come to recover. It was a rehab.

And if you think rehabs are all just full of drug addicts and people who just want to throw their lives away, you’re wrong.

Everyone in rehab is recovering. Rehab is short for rehabilitation, after all.

Rehab is where I met a girl who flew thousands of miles away because she wants to set things right for her 6-year-old. Rehab is where I met a boy who’s already went through more than you can imagine at the young age of 15. Rehab is where I met a guy who thought the world can do without him, but found solace in recovery. Rehab is where I met a man who will give up everything to be with his family.

Rehab is where I found myself, after being so lost in the world’s chaos, where I met the person who I am meant to be.

And these people (yes, myself included) are all my friends—my support group.

@1 week ago with 1 note
#rehab #support group #depression #MDD #recovery #addiction #alcoholism 

There ain’t no guarantee, but I’ll take a chance on we ;)

@1 week ago with 5 notes
#shower #becky g 

Interestingly enough, it’s so much easier to procrastinate, thinking “I can do it later”, than to actually set some kind of deadline for yourself and then feel a mini anxiety attack about it just by thinking about it, because you think you might not be able to do it, and you’ll just disappoint yourself and go on ahead, feeling bad about yourself.

Man, that’s an exceptionally long sentence.

@1 week ago
#depression #overcoming depression #I'm not just fucking lazy 

You deserve to be loved | Inquirer Lifestyle 

Re: previous blog post

@2 weeks ago

"Sometimes depression means
Ignoring every phone call for an entire month
Because yes, they have the right number
But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore"

Alexandra Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)
@2 weeks ago
#depression #excerpt #understanding depression #depression symptoms 

"Sometimes depression means
That every single bone in your body aches
But you have to keep going through the motions
Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed"

Alexandra Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)
@2 weeks ago with 5 notes
#depression #excerpt #understanding depression #depression symptoms 

"Sometimes depression means
Not being able to write for weeks
Because the only words you have to offer the world
Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying"

Alexandra Tilton, NH (Teen Ink November 2013 Issue)
@2 weeks ago with 2 notes
#depression #excerpt #understanding depression #depression symptoms 

"Sometimes depression means
That summoning the willpower
To go downstairs and do the laundry
Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week"

Alexandra Tilston, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)
@2 weeks ago
#depression #excerpt #understanding depression #depression symptoms 

Advice for People in Their Twenties 

12. All adventures in life start by just showing up ;)

10&11 too♥

@1 week ago

I need some kind of support group with people who know exactly what I’m going through so that someone could congratulate me for getting up in the morning and genuinely be really excited about it ‘cause they know. And I swear, I’ll send them salutations just for getting up in the morning too.

(Yeah, yeah. Run-on sentences; sue me.)

@1 week ago
#depression #support #support group 

"Honey, I promise to give you the freedom to be a successful girl you’re destined to be… Know this. I this journey, I’ll hold your hand. I’ll always be there. So don’t be afraid to follow your dreams and all the sacrifices I will bear. My love, I vow to love and care for you even if I run out of words to say. Let’s start this adventure and I promise you, through thick and thin, we will always be together."

Drew Arellano’s vows
@2 weeks ago
#Drew Arellano #wedding #vows #IyaVillania 

I still feel like there’s no one I could talk to.

Even if I’ve been talking to quite some people; even if we’ve been talking about life and other existential problems.

I mean, I know these people will listen. But I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. Like I don’t want to burden them with it, no matter how much they say (and I know they will) that they will listen.

On the contrary, I love to busy myself with other people’s problems. I genuinely looove listening to their shit and help them figure things out like I’m a therapist or something. There’s just that sense of fulfillment when you make someone feel better, when you help someone realize what they’ve been meaning to figure out.

But the thing is, I don’t think I can find, well, someone like me. Or at least, I can’t trust myself enough to do so. Like, maybe I just seize to consider people like me because… because I’ve been rejected before?

Like, I have these friends who simply “seenzone” me when I get a little too much. Or maybe not even too much, but when they’re probably too busy to accommodate my whims. And I don’t blame them for it. We all have crazy lives to deal with, and maybe my crazy can be a little too much to deal with sometimes.

I don’t know. I’m just blabbering at this point.

I guess the feeling of isolation is still upon me.

I just feel uneasy to talk about myself to other people when I know they’re going through something themselves. Like, I’d rather be the hero than the damsel in distress. And I guess that’s not exactly good for my mental health.

@2 weeks ago
For we are saved by hope,
but a hope that is not seen is not hope:
for why would a man hope for that which he sees?
But if we hope for what we see not,
then do we with patience wait for it.

Romans 8:24-25

Research has shown that the risk of depression is correlated more with hopelessness than with the intensity of the depression…Hopelessness, not sadness, is the antecedent to suicide

healingwithdepression.com

@2 weeks ago
#depression #suicide #hope 

I always dream about you, but in those dreams we’re always not allowed to talk or something. Or, like, I’m angry with you and I won’t let you talk to me no matter how much I want to.

AFGKLSKH TALK TO ME.

Come back, be here :(

@2 weeks ago with 2 notes

"Sometimes depression means
Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours
Because you cannot convince your body
That it is capable of movement"

Alexandra Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)
@2 weeks ago with 21 notes
#depression #excerpt #understanding depression #depression symptoms