Hi. I'm Eira. Twenty-something freelance writer/grad student from Manila.
I have depression.
Yes, it's an actual medical condition, and I can proudly say I'm dealing with it. Shoot me a message if you want to talk about it ;)
Oh, and you see my avatar up there? Just click on that if you wanna follow thee (:
When does it get better?@3 days ago
Yes, I’ve been to rehab.
And no, it wasn’t for drugs or alcohol.
…or anything like that. I can proudly say that I’ve never even lit a cigarette in my life (and though I’ve had my fair share of alcohol intake, I wouldn’t call it abusive. Lol).
It was for depression.
I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) earlier this year, and it’s been quite a ride since then.
I stayed four months in a facility where people from all walks of life and with different situations come to recover. It was a rehab.
And if you think rehabs are all just full of drug addicts and people who just want to throw their lives away, you’re wrong.
Everyone in rehab is recovering. Rehab is short for rehabilitation, after all.
Rehab is where I met a girl who flew thousands of miles away because she wants to set things right for her 6-year-old. Rehab is where I met a boy who’s already went through more than you can imagine at the young age of 15. Rehab is where I met a guy who thought the world can do without him, but found solace in recovery. Rehab is where I met a man who will give up everything to be with his family.
Rehab is where I found myself, after being so lost in the world’s chaos, where I met the person who I am meant to be.
And these people (yes, myself included) are all my friends—my support group.@3 weeks ago with 1 note
Interestingly enough, it’s so much easier to procrastinate, thinking “I can do it later”, than to actually set some kind of deadline for yourself and then feel a mini anxiety attack about it just by thinking about it, because you think you might not be able to do it, and you’ll just disappoint yourself and go on ahead, feeling bad about yourself.
Man, that’s an exceptionally long sentence.@4 weeks ago
I swear I’m not lazy. I promise I’m trying.
I’m not usually like this, I swear.@2 days ago
I need some kind of support group with people who know exactly what I’m going through so that someone could congratulate me for getting up in the morning and genuinely be really excited about it ‘cause they know. And I swear, I’ll send them salutations just for getting up in the morning too.
(Yeah, yeah. Run-on sentences; sue me.)@4 weeks ago
Even if I’ve been talking to quite some people; even if we’ve been talking about life and other existential problems.
I mean, I know these people will listen. But I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. Like I don’t want to burden them with it, no matter how much they say (and I know they will) that they will listen.
On the contrary, I love to busy myself with other people’s problems. I genuinely looove listening to their shit and help them figure things out like I’m a therapist or something. There’s just that sense of fulfillment when you make someone feel better, when you help someone realize what they’ve been meaning to figure out.
But the thing is, I don’t think I can find, well, someone like me. Or at least, I can’t trust myself enough to do so. Like, maybe I just seize to consider people like me because… because I’ve been rejected before?
Like, I have these friends who simply “seenzone” me when I get a little too much. Or maybe not even too much, but when they’re probably too busy to accommodate my whims. And I don’t blame them for it. We all have crazy lives to deal with, and maybe my crazy can be a little too much to deal with sometimes.
I don’t know. I’m just blabbering at this point.
I guess the feeling of isolation is still upon me.
I just feel uneasy to talk about myself to other people when I know they’re going through something themselves. Like, I’d rather be the hero than the damsel in distress. And I guess that’s not exactly good for my mental health.@1 month ago